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Undecided Voter Found In Oriental NC
Fate Of A Nation Rests In One Mans Hands
October 17, 2004
All major political polls are showing the same thing about the upcoming presidential election – it is an absolute tie. The latest results from the AP / CNN / FOX / CBS / ABC / NBC / Zogby Poll are identical. The nation is tied.
Fearing another Supreme Court election, a massive search was undertaken for an undecided voter. After the first 200 million calls the quest for undecided voters seemed all but hopeless. But the calls went on.
Finally, an undecided voter has been found. He is Mr. Dave Mauney, an Oriental resident.Mauney at home watching TV and eating potato chips. Dave says he likes daytime television, but avoids the news.The TownDock.net NewsExtra Team visited Mauney recently at his home in Oriental Plantation.It seems word of his being America’s only undecided voter has spread quickly – both campaigns have been in regular contact with Mauney in recent days.Dave shows off his Heinz Ketchup gift basket
Dave says he was pleased to receive a call from Teresa Heinz Kerry on Monday. "We had a very nice chat. She asked what I was doing. I told her I was watching TV and eating Pringles. The very next day I received a fancy Heinz Ketchup gift basket. I like ketchup on my Pringles."
But Dave actually received two gift baskets that day. The other contained several quarts of 10W-40 motor oil, with a note on White House stationery. Shortly after the oil arrived the phone rang. It was President Bush.
Dave says that President Bush has modified his platform to include a “NO TAXES FOR DAVE” program. Dave says he likes this plan.
President Bush calls Dave with his “NO TAXES FOR DAVE” tax program. Dave thanks the President for the 10W-40 motor oil gift basket.Word spread quickly about the Dave tax program. Within hours, Democratic Presidential candidate John Kerry had announced a new initiative – the “DAVE DIVIDEND.”Senator Kerry explains how the “DAVE DIVIDEND” will work.
Concerned Americans are asked to send Dave one dollar. Just put the dollar in an envelope and send it to Dave in Oriental.
The Kerry campaign estimates Dave will receive well over 20 million dollars – all in one dollar bills.
Dave says he likes this plan too.On Thursday the vice presidential candidates weighed in.Dave says he and John Edwards are going to see some UNC basketball games together this fall. “He has court side seats” Dave says, “and he promises I can get nachos with extra cheese.”Dave points to the gutter drain installed by the Halliburton crew
Vice President Cheney doesn’t have the North Carolina connections, but he quickly cozied up to Dave.
On a Thursday morning call Dave said “Dick, I’m having some problems with my gutters.” Dave says the Vice President replied “with all you have to think about, you shouldn’t have to worry about that.”
Within hours a Halliburton crew showed up and installed new gutter drains. Dave says they were very nice to him, and also filled up his car with gas before leaving.
Dave was relieved to have the gutter problem fixed, as he now has time to read important news and prepare for his decision.
To keep informed, Dave buys a newspaper every week at the grocery store.Dave wouldn’t give TownDock.net any clues as to which way he is leaning. Dave says “I’m finding that by talking to the candidates and their families every day I’m becoming a much better American.”
Dave paused, admiring his newly landscaped gutter drain. He put a bit more ketchup on a Pringle and stated “I just won’t know until I’m in the voting booth.”
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