The Oriental Cup Regatta, as seen from the deck of Graceful Adventure

A View From The Helm, at The Oriental Cup Regatta
Special Report by Newly Deputized Reporter Perry Cheatham
Race Day September 17th 2005

Towndock: We are here with Captain Percy Rose, Captain of the privateer Graceful Adventure. Captain Rose, I understand you had a bit of an altercation at the start of the race.

Percy: I prefer to think of it as a close encounter.

Towndock: How close?

Percy: Lets see. The bos'n of the Ketch N'erdowell got her foot stuck in our Starboard shrouds, and Capt. Robertson of the sloop Sea Goose lost his hat when our bowsprit swung over his transom. Other than that, t'was a fair start.

Towndock: Any damage?

Percy: Just Captain Robertson's hat. Our first mate, Frankie Three Sheets, snagged it with a boat hook and tore the ribbon.

Towndock: Thats too bad. How was the race itself?

Percy: Well we was making good time t' ward the winward mark, when this wicked fast sloop with black canvas known as Blue Beard, bore down on us. Her skipper was a yelliun' Starboard! Starboard!” and she showed no sign o' bearin' off.

Towndock: That certainly sounds exciting!

Percy: Exciting enough I suppose. Our portside Wench, Tawdry, recommended a broadside. But it bein' a gentleman’s race, I swing Graceful Adventure through the eye of the wind, and let the Blue Beard Pass.

Towndock: Avoiding another "close encounter'.

Percy: Aye. But that maneuver cost us another tack 'r two, which upset me two wenches, Tawdry an' Sue. But we finally cleared the win’ard mark and settled down to lunch.

Towndock: Lunch?

Percy: Aye! Spam n’Sardines with a pint of Dead Guy Root Beer.

Towndock: Um… Sounds delicious!

Percy: Only the best for my crew.

Towndock: What happened next.

Percy: Kimberly, our galley wench and foredeck hand was just serving shortcakes when that loathsome but beautiful ketch, N'erdowell, passed us on our port side. Looked to me like their bos'n had hung her bloomers in the riggin', givin' her an unfair advantage.

Towndock: Bloomers?

Percy: Aye, red… size 42 I'd guess.

Towndock: Sounds like the Oriental Cup's a very competitive race.

Percy: Well some people will do anything for a bit ‘'o fame an' fortune. But I've had me share. So we settled down to our aperitif and enjoyed the rest of the race.

Towndock: How did you do.

Percy: Very respectable. Third.

Towndock: Third!?

Percy: Aye, Third from last. Arr arr arr!