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Dear Salty,

How can I get ink stains out of clothes?

I’m not really writing about those little bitty marks that may happen now and then. My problem, from this last load of laundry, is that a pen was left in a shirt pocket and then did a number on everything in that load.

Is there any hope for getting those ink stains out after they’ve already been thru the wash?

This isn’t the first time this has happened. So could you settle a domestic question: who should be making sure there are no pens in the shirt and pants pockets in the first place? The person who wore the pants and put ‘em in the hamper, or the person who does the laundry?

Signed,

Ink Stained Wench

Dear Wench,

I feel your stain, girl. There are few things worse than discovering a whole load of laundry has been ruined by anything, much less ink.

But haven’t you learned by now that some people just aren’t capable of handling something as complicated as an ink pen on a daily basis?

I am on your side completely about who should empty pockets — it’s the wearer, not the laundry wench!!

Why this is such a hard concept for a grown man to understand, I do not know! I have even been able to teach all six of my little saltines — starting at age four I might add — to empty pockets, zip zippers and button buttons before they put their clothes in the dirty clothes hamper. I just think that ink pen/laundry abuse is a reflection of poor home-training.

I think he can be trained. But it’s up to you to throw down the dryer sheet.

Tell the offender that the next time a pen is left in a pocket you will:

A) let his laundry rot in the bottom of the hamper until Martha Stewart personally comes over and does his laundry for him (in five to ten), and
B) use HIS credit card to replace all your ruined clothing with expensive dry-clean-only designer wear.

The southern girl’s friend

You might also want to hide all his clothes so that he only has ink stained clothing to wear. The way Salty sees it, if women once had to go around wearing the Scarlet Letter, it’s time for men to be publicly shamed by sporting the Indigo Letter… or Blot… until they clean up their acts.

Of course, if you don’t think he’s really that trainable, go out right now and buy him a big ol’ box of #2 pencils and hide the rest of the ink pens. And for Salty’s sake, never ever let him near a Sharpie!

Now, as to your current load of stained laundry, you can always try the tried-and-true hair spray trick. Aqua Net is a personal favorite of all girls Southern. (And we’re talking the aerosol can here, hon. If it’s harmful to the ozone layer, just IMAGINE what it’ll do to those ink stains!)

What you do is just spray it on the stains and rub it in gently. Let it sit for a few minutes and launder as usual. Not only will it get a ink stain out, if you spray it on your behind before the swim suit competition, it will keep your bathing suit bottom from riding up during any beauty pageant, under any weather conditions, regardless of the amount of spandex needed to make your butt look good under bright lights.

Ms. Salty has also heard that soaking the clothes in milk for a few hours and then laundering as usual might help. But I personally haven’t tried this one since I have an ample supply of Aqua Net at home and in my truck.

Bless your ink stained little heart,

Salty

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Ask Salty - reliable advice for your life. Salty is an experienced homemaker, licensed captain, and former dancer. Her hobbies include taxidermy and taking long walks on the beach. Contact Salty at salty@towndock.net