For the past month TownDock.net asked:
What's your Caption for this Pamlico County picture?
If you've
traveled along Highway 55 lately, you've probably seen one of
the half dozen or so new billboards along the road. They sprang
up in late summer, taking the place, in at least this instance
of a tree that once stood there. (see trunk under sign and base
of tree to the right)
The largest
response to our contest came from many of you who would prefer
trees to billboards and written messages along the side of the
road. But given the opportunity to put a message up there themselves....
here’s what readers said:
The
Pamlico Captions November 1st prize goes to this entry:
If Isabel had done her duty,
She would have blessed us with some beauty,
By bashing billboards to the ground,
And leaving homes all safe and sound.
-- Bob McEachern, Richmond, VA.
Reader Michael Buskovitz was thorough - actually sending us
the following image:
Cut
This Down!
-- Bill and Sharon Breitling
WANTED
- REAL ESTATE
WOODED LOTS PREFERRED
Call (252) 555-1234
-- Ray Reilly, Hopewell Jct. NY
Support
Forest Reclamation!
-- Cliff Thompson
"Prevent
Forest Fires - Cut Down Trees!"
-- Rick Kearney, Greenville
Ban
Visual Blight - Eliminate Billboards!!
-- Christopher F. Weinheimer, Oriental
Pamlico
County is a beautiful place, but you can't see it because of
all the damn billboards
-- Bob and Marlene Miller
"Boycott
Billboards"
-- Marvin Bullock
We received some
doggerel on the subject:
"Stripped bare and denuded
Pamlico's future lies uprooted"
-- Walton Haywood, Chatham County
A few entries came in the form of news briefs:
A sign of evolution in the 21st century has been discovered
in Pamlico County, NC, where trees are evolving into billboards.
-- Carolyn Fenton, English Instructor
Moberly Area Community College
Moberly, Missouri
(Carolyn, would that be evolution or devolution?? Ed.)
This reader actually
wrote a story:
Lamm & Co's plans to develop a Redwood forest in Pamlico
Co. began yesterday with this initial planting of seven young
trees. The marine plywood will help sturdy them against strong
winds famous to this area while they duplicate.
Unfortunately other inferior species like white oak and virgin
pine must be cut down, or they will interfere with the growth
pattern. The Company hopes to fill presently underused farmland
along both sides of 55 with these forests, and promises landowners
greater yield in a shorter time. They also will provide a much-needed
"Canopy Effect" to shield drivers (especially in convertibles)
from harsh sunsets and untamed migratory birds.
The Company is sensitive to concerns from local residents that
the plywood is ugly, and has offered to paint pretty pictures
of local interest on the boards -- outboard motors and attractive
smokers and pickup trucks. Call the number. Call it now.
-- Phil Rumley, Chatham County
While the aesthetics
was an issue for many, we did receive at least one defense of
the billboards:
Oh! Heck About This Sign! The Town Is Still Here,
Too! We Endure! LOL! , Everybody!
--Jasper Jones
"Don't
like billboards? Move to Vermont!"
-- Kirk Nelson
“Available,
two fresh cut pine logs from tree dropped by Isabel. Pick up
beneath the sign. You haul away.”
-- Jim Barton, Jacksonville, Florida
(Editors note: Jim, our records indicate that the tree seen
below the sign was felled before Isabel passed through. As H
comes before I in the Storm calendar, it would appear that the
very isolated tropical depression Husqvarna (or Homelite) took
down the tree. Witnesses say it sounded less like the freight
train associated with tornados and more like a chain saw.)
Isabel’s recent
visit inspired more than a few messages:
Free Docking Here During Hurricanes"
-- Jane Hartman, Belews Creek
For
Sale: Waterfront property (during hurricanes)
-- Don Mau
I’M A HURRICANE AND I’M COMING.
ARE YOU PREPARED?
-- Charles Bryant
HURRICANE
REAL ESTATE COMPANY
ARE YOU BEING FLOODED OUT BY HIGH PRICES?
OUR REAL ESTATE BLOWS THE COMPETION AWAY
FOR GREAT DEALS ON WATERFRONT PROPERTY CALL MISS ISABEL AT 555-6969
-- Dee and Hiram Lupton
Pamlico
County
Where every day is a vacation!
Even Isabel stopped by and paid her respects!
-- Gail Good
COME
HOME TO ORIENTAL -
THE TOWNDOCK THE WHOLE WORLD WATCHES
FOR LIVE HURRICANE UPDATES
-- Carolyn Fenton, Moberly, MO
Sometimes a Billboard
wants to shed its reputation as a smiley-face welcome mat and
show a flip side of its personality. Here are some that the
Chamber of Commerce did not suggest:
Welcome to Pamlico County,
NOW GO BACK HOME!!!
-- Allan Holleman
SORRY BUT WERE FULL
(unless y'all are just visiting)
-- William Marlowe
No A------s Beyond this Point!
-- Dave in Oriental, NC
With these suggestions from Susan Conley you might imagine the
words appearing in a caption bubble over the billboard’s
head:
Please rent me before I end up as another TownDock caption of
the...Shoot! Here she comes!
Wonder if the Buccaneer Bay people know I'm available?
---Susan Conley,
Oriental
And we received a lot of entries that played on the characteristics
of our village.
NEARING ORIENTAL
DUCKS, DOGS AND DRAGONS HAVE RIGHT-OF-WAY
SLOW DOWN!
-- Grace B. Evans
One entry might well make drivers slow down ---
This picture
on a billboard was sent in by Joe Everett of Mocksville, NC.
He writes "This might be appropriate for my Mocksville
neighbor who is spending more and more time with his Oriental
neighbors".
(Editors note: The neighbor is part time Oriental resident Ray
Everest, who we trust is only moderately horrified)
On a similar
note:
Board
and available.... What more could you ask for?
--Hugh Van Roosen, Stuttgart, Germany (& boat in Oriental)
It’s
the water!
-- Nick Santoro, Whortonsville
"Oriental-Gateway
to Whortonsville"
-- Rick Kearney, Greenville
"Welcome to Oriental. We are all here because we are not
all there!"
-- Jan
“Got draft?”
(In a drinking town with a sailing problem, this could mean
anything.)
-- Mari Trosclair
"Sign up Here"
-- Walton Haywood
" Post No Bills"
-- Joe Valinoti
Oriental - just past the second cornfield on the left.
-- Stephen Wright
"We wanted a number that's easy for y’all to remember
but BR-549 was already taken!"
-- Scott MacCready (Editors note: Some quick research taught
us that "BR-549" was a phone number often shouted
out on "Hee-Haw")
“Billboards by Bubba”
“ Serving the Overwhelming Need for More Hwy 55 Billboards”
-- John M Griffin
Wilmington, NC
Thanks for all those great sign captions - we'd probably prefer
any of 'em compared to what might end up on the actual sign.
Captions and Pamlico Poetry are always welcome at captions@towndock.net
Previous
Pamlico Captions
TownDock.net
readers have some brilliant creative minds - check out previous
Captions winners:
September
2003 - "The Water Tower"
May
2003 - "The Tubs"
February
2003 - "The Pain Store"
December
2002 - "Chimney Santa"
November
2002 - "Buc"
October
2002 - "Telephone Booth"
September
2002 - "$1,000 FIRM"
